Category Archives: Comic

You Heard It Here First

In a surprise move the SNP have announced changes that they claim will strengthen Scotland’s case for EU membership.

Schuko-plug1The first change being the immediate adoption of the Euro electrical plugs and sockets in all homes and offices. A government spokesperson stating that the adoption of the Schuko design was far superior to the old English models and brought Scotland in-line with its future EU partners.

The second change being a switch-over to driving on the right and banning the sales of English right-hand drive vehicles. The reasons for this being driving on the left or right does not apply on the many single-track roads, the plentiful supply of second-user left-hand drive limos available in Brussels and to bring Scotland in-line with its future EU partners.

The final change announced this morning being the surprise embargo on the importation of Yorkshire Puddings – on the grounds that such English products do not comply with the EU rules for batter-based food products that come into effect today. Rules that are routinely adopted by the Scottish Parliament to bring Scotland in-line with its future EU partners.

Interestingly these changes were published online in English, Scots Gaelic .. and French. Yes – to bring Scotland in-line with its future EU partners.

Business As Usual

Westminster and Whitehall kick-off another week of work on that critically important task – deckchair rearrangement. A skill that they have struggled with before – but which now should be much improved by some dedicated training classes.

The multi-million pound contract for these classes has been awarded to Harland & Wolff – despite strong competition from the Delorean Consultancy Group and British Leyland. And a spokesman for H&W said our long involvement in deckchair management is unequaled throughout Europe – and indeed the world. Sadly our linked iceberg avoidance system was overlooked by the Treasury; but we will try again.

During the week teams of primary school children will also be visiting parliament. Their visits will provide a chance for them to vote on some trivial Government issues including leaving the EU, an early general election and selling Scotland to an Indian business conglomerate …